Today my thoughts tend toward passive-aggressive behavior. I find it annoying, not just because of the aggressive part, but because the passive part makes it so difficult to address. People throw the term passive-aggressive around a lot, but I'm not sure I have a very good definition of it. I checked out the definition at Medline, and here's an excerpt:

Passive aggressive personality disorder is a chronic condition in which a person seems to acquiesce to the desires and needs of others, but actually passively resists them and becomes increasingly hostile and angry. ... A person with this disorder may appear to comply with another's wishes, and may even say that he wants to do what he has agreed to do, but the requested action is either performed too late to be helpful, performed in a way that is useless, or otherwise sabotaged to express anger about compliance that isn't related verbally.

An interesting tidbit from the medline article notes: "psychiatrists no longer recognize this condition as an official diagnosis; however, the symptoms are problematic to many people and may be helped by professional attention, so we include it here." As it turns out, there is a bit of history behind the use of the term, and its classification as a disorder or not. I read this in an article over at Straight Dope that gives a summary of the use of the term, and also offers some analysis:

The most telling complaint, in my opinion, was that merely being passive-aggressive isn't a disorder but a behavior--sometimes a perfectly rational behavior, which lets you dodge unpleasant chores while avoiding confrontation. It's only pathological if it's a habitual, crippling response reflecting a pervasively pessimistic attitude--people who suffer from PAPD expect disappointment, and gain a sense of control over their lives by bringing it about. Some psychiatrists have suggested that PAPD be merged into a broader category, called negativistic personality disorder. Diagnostic criteria: passive-aggressive plus (a) mad at the world, (b) envious and resentful, (c) feels cheated by life, and (d) alternately hostile and clingy.

We'll let the specialists work out the details. For now, though, we lay folk should strive to use the term "passive-aggressive" more precisely in everyday life. Say for instance that a coworker cheerfully agrees to refrain from a specified uncool act, then does it anyway. Is this passive-aggressive behavior? No, this is being an asshole. Comforting as it can be to pigeonhole our tormentors with off-the-shelf psychiatric diagnoses, sometimes it's best just to call a jerk a jerk.

So passive-aggressive behavior isn't necessarily indicative of a disorder, but it's still really tough to deal with. I think that out in the open is the best way to deal with conflict (although I can't claim to practice this with 100% success), and passive-aggressive behavior makes dealing with conflict particularly difficult. I mean, that's the point of passive-aggressive behavior: to display frustration and anger in some oblique, unaddressable way.

To take an example from my next citation, a student may have difficulty with a math problem, and feel bad about himself because he can't do it. Rather than express the feelings of frustration and inadequacy, the student will act out in some other way. This acting out results in some sort of punishment or conflict. Now, rather than expressing negative feelings about himself, the teacher is expressing negative things about the student. Instead of feeling inadequate, the student feels sorry for himself, as the victim of unfair punishment.

The following comes from Passive Aggressive Behavior... preventing and dealing with challenging behavior at the preschool behavior project. Now, this is directed at preschool teachers, but really it has some insights for dealing with passive-aggressive behavior:

When you recognize the student displaying annoying, attention-seeking behavior, remember that this stems from frustration. The student needs support. If a student is working on a math assignment, you might approach the student by saying, "Ripping up math papers is not acceptable, John. Let's get you another and I'll sit down with you and we can work on it together." In this way, you are letting the student know that you do not accept his or her behavior but you are not nagging. You are also letting the student know that you care and want to help.

So I guess it's a matter of finding balance. Sometimes the appropriate reaction is to "call a jerk a jerk", and other times it is to address frustration and provide support. I know I have a tendency to psychologize (is that a word?) my conflicts and am guilty of hiding behind off-the-shelf psychology terms I don't fully understand. I guess the thing to do is articulate how the behavior makes me feel rather than just trying to label it.